Go placidly.

I do not want to be peaceful about this. I am not in the mood to say, “Love will win,” and I will not try to tell you that everything will be okay. I am unbelievably angry, and I am incredibly sad. I don’t need to tell you why; you know. 

But in a few hours, I will sit on a hard floor in front of a small room of America’s citizens. They will be there, expecting me to help them breathe deeply on a day that is deeply shocking and deeply frightening. So I have to get over it, at least somewhat. I don’t know what I’ll do, except what I always do: remind them to focus on their breath and on what they are feeling right now, on how their breath fills their bodies and on how their hearts beat; remind them to listen, and to do their best to learn. In reminding them, I will remind myself: It will actually be okay, somehow. Love will win, repeatedly and cyclically, even if those victories are small and often ignored. We are angry and we are sad, but we are also hopeful and happy; we are everything all at once.

These reminders, coupled with patience, seem to be all that I can give.

Whenever my dad would become overwhelmed or depressed about the state of the world, he would reread his favorite poem, Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann. Often, I would read it over his shoulder or on his lap, or he would read it to me. I knew most of it by heart by the time I went to college, and have long planned to get the first two words tattooed on my arm as a permanent reminder: Go placidly.

img_4233I won’t say that reading it will make everything okay (it won’t). And I probably won’t be speaking my truth quietly for the next few days or years (sorry, Max). But I will listen – both to those stories that are vastly different from my own, and to the silence between them. I will be myself. And you can bet the orange man’s fortune that I will keep interested in my own career, however fucking humble. I will not feign affection, and I will be genuine and generous with love. I will support myself, and I will lift my brothers and sisters up. I will strive to see beauty, and I will strive to be happy.

Thank you, Papa, for reading this to me so many times. Thank you, Max, for writing it.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

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